I often read over that just to reassure myself to follow God and his leading. I feel on edge most of the time regarding making these huge decisions, such as the one to move back to Portland in t-minus 3 months... AHHHH, scary stuff. The odd thing is how far from scary I actually thought this decision would be. The last five years, yes I said five, I know I said I'd never stay past four years, well, Oooops:)... anyways, the last five years I always knew I wanted to return somewhere back in the Northwest. There was a time in there when I thought I might be moving somewhere temporarily, when Kyle was going to law school, but all-in-all, Portland, or somewhere near there was always where I wanted to end up. Now that that reality is inches away, it is so scary to me.
Don't get me wrong, I believe I will be so happy there and of course absolutely love being near family, friends and East County again, but the scary part and the reality is that I have to leave the place that I did all my growing as an adult.
The five years I have spent here have truly changed my life in away that it would not have changed otherwise. All these things make me me now... the independence that I gained from paying school bills, rent, utilities, being in charge of a house, living with/without roommates, being depressed, being the happiest girl in the world, finding jobs, balancing time, interacting with employees and professors, finding churches, losing churches, being happy in love, being sad in heartbreak, being spontaneous to go on random road trips just for the heck of it, being very ill and visiting the hospital on multiple occasions, being a counselor, being a comforter, being comforted, reconnecting with cousins and becoming best friends, doing crazy things I and no one else thought I'd ever do, being able to take care of other people that are in need, witnessing world events such as hurricane Katrina, learning to love Dr. Pepper and Mexican food, finding beauty in the city of Abilene, learning to set myself apart by calling Coke "pop", learning that I really am a night person, well, early morning I suppose, learning to like rap and R&B music (never thought I'd go there), discovering a love for travel, choosing to make one of the best decisions of my life and study abroad, watching friends get engaged, get married, and have babies, reconnecting with old friends, finding my love and passion for my future as a photographer, being given opportunities to present art and myself in shows, finding friends that are worth staying for in a seemingly uneventful and boring place... I do LOVE this place and will miss it so dearly.
It took me a very long time to realize what God was doing in my life by having me here another year after college. I never understood why He would ever do something like that; set me to staying, change my plans, and have my life turned upside down, but it's become so clear to me and now seeing what He gave me this last year, I couldn't have imagined the power and affect that had on my life!!! I was so blessed to have a good job and work with good people. I was blessed to be given a change to gain independence, do things on my own and be in charge of my own life. I furthered relationships with amazing people and formed new friendship that will likely be the most important of my life! God's humor isn't always funny and His plans don't always make sense in the moment, but knowing what I know now, I wouldn't have changed a thing... I am beyond blessed!!!
....... Who would have ever guessed, including me, that leaving Abilene would be one of the toughest things I have ever had to do!?
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